I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
