what day is it and did you see me today?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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