this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Is it because I queefed?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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