last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
