Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
