I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
