I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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