Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
