Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
