He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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