Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
