You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
