how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
