just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
