A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize