i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
