I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
