return my video game
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
