Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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