Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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