I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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