party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
