The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
