Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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