Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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