I just cut my nipple shaving
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
