Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Will exercising make me less horny?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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