Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
