I love black thongs
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
