make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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