don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
