what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
