that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
