The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
