I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
its liver damage thursday
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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