Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
