Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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