i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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