I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
