what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
