I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
