Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
