oh god the rape fog is back!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
