That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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