my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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