While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
