what day is it and did you see me today?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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