so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
