somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
