I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
