That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
