Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
