I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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