she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
