Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
