woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
