I think I won the penis lottery.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
