WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
