I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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