Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
