He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
