just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
