i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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