Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
