I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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