"it" just moved
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
