Small penises have feelings too.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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