He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
