i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
