I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
