Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
