Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Randomize
