Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
