Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
