Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Bring me that man meat
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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