on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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