I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.