just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.