they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
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He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months