the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?