ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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