then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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