dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life