rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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