yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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